We got to a point where we had begun to accept that I wouldn’t have a lasting pregnancy, and we had always been very open to adoption (and also surrogacy – I was a member of several Surrogate sites online). So we were finally given a date to begin the adoption course after years of phoning agencies and been told ‘Call back in a year as you need to recover.’
After years of research we had decided that we would prefer to do Inter country adoption instead of Domestic, mainly because we wanted as young a child as possible and didn’t want to be placed on a Foster to adopt programme where we could foster a baby for 12 months but not have any assurance that the child wouldn’t be given to a distant relative who appeared on the scene 10 months later.
It seemed that Ethiopia was our best option and I had built up a correspondence with other women who had adopted successfully from here. They had paid around 5K to an agency in the UK to go through all the checks and then managed to be placed with a baby from an orphanage which only asked for a small donation.
However, once we were approved to begin the course, things had changed. Agencies in Ethiopia (and all foreign countries) realised there was money to be made and they were charging extortionate amounts. We realised we couldn’t afford this for many years, if ever, and that we may need to apply to do a Domestic adoption course after all.
While we were mulling over how we’d ever be able to raise the 25 k for adopting a child from abroad or go back to the drawing board and do a Domestic adoption course, we had another ivf transfer which was to be our last.
For about two years now, I had accepted the idea that I’d never carry our baby and strangely had become ok with this. It was a means to an end. I’d rather adopt a child that needed a home and we’d still be parents. It didn’t matter how the child came into our lives. The thing is, we knew adopting was going to take a long time and we also knew it could fall through at the last minute for so many reasons that were beyond our control.
So it made sense in our minds to do IVF one last time. Cycle number 10. We never thought it would work, or at least result in a lasting pregnancy. We were wrong.